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2/23/2009 Too curious, Too Furious..Sometimes..... should just let the past flow away,
is just no point to bought it up and been talk about again.
But then... curious is a drive which will bought the past thing up again...
Something always been bothering me, but I never put my mind into it... I never think for it... I just let it flow.....
The other night, he told me everything, from beginning to the end.
I don't want to listen, I want to run away from it, I don't want him to mention it again.
But because I'm curious... I continued listen.
After I hear his story.... I feel much relief.......
So maybe it's true sometimes, we should hear others explanations. Maybe there is some story behind the problem's back....
The explanation is pretty late.... and I was very furious.... But then... is all finish... full stop!
1/12/2009 in love with a Vampire?hmmm.. .. wat will happen if i turn into a vampire?
well... i guess.. i cant go out in the day time anymore.. no beach, no outdoor sport ( i do sport? = \) , no more outdoor shopping, no more sun.........
But.. is so cool to be a vampire.. i want to be a vampire... but... i love my day time life.. cant imagine i live without my daytime life....thatz kinda impossible..
but i still want to be a vampire... coz is very cool.. lol... but yea... as i say.. i cant.. lol... how come vampire cant walk under the sun... thatz sad.. even vampire always so pretty, always so smart, and such an awesome character... but there is just something weak for them.. haiii.... so itz true.. nathing is powerful.. anyone/ any anime/ any creature will still have their weakness.... sounds fair..
tvampire scared of the sun.... mayb thatz not bcoz they are weak.. mayb therez a love story invloved.. hmmm~ let see..
mayb boz..... .
.. long long long time ago.. bak into few hundred million years ago... when all those greek gods still exists, and all those creatures are still alive..when the vampire still can live under the sun.. therez a love story between a vampire and a daughter of Apollo.
Vincent the vampire is 1 of the member in Vampire family, son of Volvo ( ^_<) the strongest vampire back in that time.. fall in love with a lovely young lady named Jasmine which is Apollo's beloved daughter. They both deeply inloved, but they know they cant get married, because of family background. They tried to run away from their family and seek for happiness, but... no one allow them to do that. Therez once and is the last time when Vincent and and Jasmine trying to escape from their family, But this time.. Apollo found their plans and locked Jasmine inside the castle, and went to talk with Volvo and warn him if he not doing anything to stop Vincent, he will banned the Vampires from the sun. Volvo disagreed with Apollo and they end up with a fight....Apollo ofcoz did win the fight... thatz why Vampire generations are banned to live under the sun..
hmmmmmmm ... sound so dramatic... very typical love story.. .sounds like romeo and juliet.. but.. this is god fighting with earth creatures.. ofcoz.. strongest is the god.. the saddest part of the story is not vincent and jasmine cant be together.. the saddest part is.. Vampires are banned to live under the sun... haiii ... 12/21/2008 Love and Support?recently.. i got my Green P... but.. i still cant drive.. very funny isnt?
i reackon is very very funny... is just a funniest joke... even Daniel.. who got a L is driving way better than me...
even Judy who still on her Red P still driving way better than me...
im such a loser.. always not brave enuoght to drive... always not brave enought to turn right..... even Simone will laugh... such a loser.. but saddest part is... not all my frd forgot that Jenny does have a driver license.... the saddest part is... my bf.. laught at me.. bcoz i cant turn right... my bf think i cant drive... my bf doesnt believe i can drive safely..........
how sad is that... well.. to be honest.. not very sad... is normal... this is wat should be deserve.. i think..
i passed all my driving test in 1 go.... L, Red P, Green P..... but.... he still couldnt believe.. that i can drive.....well i guess he does believe.. but.. he just neva encourage me.. like others... or... neva support me...... im a gay person.. i need ppl to support me to do things... i cant just do it.. without support... most likely.. i need his support.. but.. he will just think.. im comparing him...
im not comparing him with frds... who trying to encourage me to drive.. im just tellin him.. even others BELIEVE i can... so i thought he could just BELIEVE i can as well.. but he just dont understand.. he thought.. I dont need encourage.. becoz i got my license alrdy... i dont need a hand.....
is just sad for me.. but normal for others...
love and support... i want both please..
P.S. Sorry Phil.. i shouldnt yell at u... bcoz u just dont understand me.. 12/6/2008 Things must need to change..why I always have to bother the relationship is romantic or not.. is fun or not.. is serious or not.. is in one piece or not....
time goes by, things stays the same way as they were and are... nathing is gona change.... love isnt chaning, lips isnt changing... person isnt changing... heart is changing... only thing that might change day by day, that is the age/apperance, mayb one day look into the mirror, the one that used be young and sexy... has changed to old and winkles... by that time.. love havent change? if so... then that is the real romance, so.. i start relized.. why i have to care the curent romance for? wait till the day i turned to a old grumpy lady and he still will hold my hand look bak to the roads that we have been walk throught andwait till us apart coz of the death... then thatz the real romance.
.hmmm up to this point of the blog... i alrdy have no idea. why im writing now...
overall.. im just tryin to convince myself.. current romance isnt important, what is up coming , wat is supoose to be change is the importantance of romance.. stable relationship is just a way to prove the romance is increasing.....
life is short.. argue is romantic or not.. is just boring.. but... if no romance.. is also boring... hmmm therefore.. life is short and is also boring.... BINGO 11/13/2008 Sori..But..I can't.....He bought me a watermelon the other day, because I mention that I want to eat watermelon... he just went to buy me a watermelon..he even ring his friend, and ask what is watermelon's english is. and bring it to the shop and gave me a suprise.....
He come to shop whenever I work, even is very late, he will still come over and say Hi.
He say he like me. I dono what to say, but all I can do is reject him, and getting away from him.
He ask me why, he cant met me before the other guy. I dono wat to say, but all i can do is reject him, and run away from him
He could be the one i like, If im not alrdy belong to someone.
I think i kno what to do. I do Love the one that i chose. So no matter how touch that i feel, i wont think anything.
I hope I choose the rite road, and He is my Mr.Right. 9/14/2008 nathing important..My name is Jenny Ruan... is it important to you?
No matter is important or not, is nathing to do with you... If im not important to you, dont be bother to feel bad..
My english is crap.. is it important to you?
No matter is importatn or not, is nathing to do with you... is just effecting my future only, not yours..dont be bother to feel sorry or funny....
If my exist is nathing important to you... please.. let me kno.. so i kno who u are and just let me face u in different way..
Im very important to myself.. coz i like myself.. even im such looser, even im such stupid, even im such crappy person...
Loving yourself.. isnt a bad thing, just do it...
The End. 9/2/2008 Im not alone..I have learnt alot of thing from the dieases im having atm, first overall, careful when shave!
and 2nd thing, i really feel so touching coz most of frd been ask me how am i going etc... i really feel happy... they does care about me...
so im not alone.......
thanks to Simone first, she been ask me how i feel everyday, and tried to encourage me to take shower with her.. lol
and then... thanks to Shannon and Chao... even Chao just come and grab text book.. but Sha tags alone to see me when she kno that i dont feel well...
most likely have to thanks Eileen... she been help me alot... she been listen to me, and tell me im not gona die coz of this diease, and help me to work.. even she got alot uni work to do...
last but not lease... thanks to Phil.. my baby.. he did nathing at all lol... he even ask me to rud his tummy coz he got tummy ache.. but.. haha.. i kno he been worried me alot... and thanks to him fix my bed for me.. so i can sleep very well during last few day that i have laid on bed for at lease 20 hr per day..
Well thanks to all my other frd as well who been ask me how i been...
thanks to let me kno.. Im not alone.. i stil have uz as my frd.. I love yous.. 3/7/2008 Why make me angry and mad!?Me and you... we know each other long time alrdy....
u should know about my personality..
im those type.. if u didnt make me annoyed.. no matter wat u say.. wont make me mad la... but how come u kno that and u still do that..
i dont like the feeling of being left out... why u still left me out?? why u neva look for me.. when u reliezed that im not next to you?
i want you to worry me.. but u neva did... i want u neva left me out.. but why u always left me out.. why u only concetrate the thing that u interested u.. why u dont care about me?
why........... too many why again... but.. these question.. i neva can get an answer... coz u will neva care about me writing stuff here.. u neva try to understand me... u neva did....
true... u neva did... oh well.. why i bother to type up these but u just neva will look at it...
Love and Freedom.. is best for all age women... 2/20/2008 "Don't say you Love me...""Dont say you love me, you dont even know me...."
yes... rite.... why you neva know me? how can you love me like this? isnt abit strange?
i neva in love with your money, gift doesnt equal to money you kno.......
and i dont need gift.... a card/piece paper coz of the event... is that too over? i dono......
seriously hurt when u say.. i didnt buy u stuff during events.... coz i always get u somethign wheneva i see something nice or whenever i feel like too..... is that call neva buy u something? and how can u say i neva buy u something big? you see the stuffs that i gave u are just not important?
oh well... u just dont understand... u neva can understand.... we jsut have so many prob.. we can neva solve.........
i will just.. forget it...... 11/27/2007 Give me Some BraveOh man..... pulling the relationship is not the way of life...
be brave..... cut it in one go...... no hurt no love.... understand?
9/27/2007 何必再痛有一些痛楚，痛过以后知道痛时的感受，就一定避免再痛
可是有时候人就如飞蛾，明知道扑火会受伤，但它还会继续
不是因为它犯贱，只是因为它的天性如此
可是人非飞蛾，为什么明知道，还会继续呢？
虽然我讨厌这种人，可是其实我自己也是这种人
人非飞蛾，可是本性如此，为何感叹
［只希望一天醒来．．
可以真正地醒来．．］
8/19/2007 Money... $o$... recent...life style... is been changed.....
from normal tafe student... goes to school for 3 day then have 4 day off.....
to now...... goes to school for 3 day and 3 day of work..... 1 day off!!!
income did increase alot~~ haha.. but... energy decrease alot~~~~ thatz no good....
but... is weird.. how come... he neva relize that im tired afta work... all he care is... he did his hw tilll 1am then sleep.. and that is enuff for him to say... he IS tired than me.... baga...! =.=
2 part time job.. seems not enuff... mayb i should get a 3rd job.... herbal life?~ haha.... money seems to be a biggest magic spell to keep me motivated...
but... money power is not important than my precious pride.... =.= i have no idea how come i can lost all my pride in a day!!! thatz saturday tho.. lol.. saturday's job.. is just... gay!!!! everything is gay.. everyone is picking on me.. no matter is rite or wrong.. stand or walk.. tlk or no talk... still wrong! $55 dollar... is a big number for me now... but.... i cant stand it anymore.... should i give up~? give me a sign plz....
news agnecy job isnt that hard.. and good income tho~~ lol.... $10/hr... lovely number... herbal life... should i really go for it?~ if i partnership with judy.... will us' relationship break up coz of the money prob~? im scared.... coz most of the ppl say.. money between frd... always a prob.... but im so looking forward to work with her.... oh man.. im confuess... teach me wat to do!!!! follow the heart... is the best way to do?~
oh and recently.. we(me+judy+lisa) know dis dude... jose... from our tafe... he is cool guy~actually... i think we kno him for like at lease 3 wk.... but in these 2 wk.. we hang around more.. so lol... he is my buddy now~ and also.. onee chan!!!! hahaha.... he is funny~~~~ and sometime... make us so mad.. coz he call us.. violence girls..... im not violence!! lisa is more violence!!!! XD and.. he say.. judy is not violence .. but is aggresive... lol... ofcoz la... if u get near greatest gengeral (judy) there always some dmg! lol... kidding...
overall... im ok... just.. saturday.. not that good! ja ppls~
7/13/2007 永别了....Mr.Hendricks.... 我9年级commerce的时候就真正的认识这个老师...
那个时候我对他的印像不太好... 那时候我常常都说他用色迷迷的眼神看我...可是在commerce的那两年里... 我真的从他身上学了不少东西,但我的成绩一直都不算非常的好.. 这不关他的事.. 因为他真的很用心的教我..只是我不用功而已.. >.<
11年级时,选了Business Studies, 那时候... 教我的是另一个老师... 我从那个老师身上没有学到任何的东西.. 因为我非常不喜欢他.. 所以我更没有用功的学习... 跟着12年级时.. 我被调到Mr.Hendricks的班里...他一直鼓厉我, 还一直帮我复习,他没有像另外一个老师一样常常吓人.. 说考不到好的HSC分数就会死人... 他都说..."Just try your best in all the exams" 他给我的感觉是舒服的,没有压力的..所以我的Business Studies分数真的有拉回去,那全都是他的功劳....
可是他现在不在了... 他因为癌症在今年1st July去世了.... 听到了这个消息后虽然没有痛哭, 但是也有感到非常的不开心...
人生真是脆弱... 我毕业前见他, 他还是健健康康,精精神神的... 没想到..... 唉~
Mr.Hendricks...I wish you can live happily in heaven with the smile that always on your face. 7/8/2007 过去,后悔看着相片本, 一张张你为我整理好的相片,我看着看着,觉得心里真的是好痛,
我不知道为什么当年的我会对你做岀这样的伤害, 而你却还是对我这么好, 虽然我们是不像以前那样... 彼此诚实地相信大家... 但是我还是相信你会对我改观的, 我真的可以对天说....你是我交过最好的朋友....
跟你说真的... 我岀卖你那件事... 不是真心的, 我不是为跟他和好而岀卖你.... 我只是不想他再像一个傻仔一样,也不想你再因为他而辛苦..... 可能方法真的是用错了... 可是我真的是没有心去岀卖你... 我真的没有想过我跟他说岀那样的事后, 他会对我有什么的改变... 我真的很纯想骂醒他而已..... 可是.... 你就因为我这样... 而受到伤害................... 真的很对不起.....
至于很久以前的那张相片..... 我真的是完全是玩玩而已的心态, 因为那时候.. 我因为他的事而感到伤心, 而你又跟我没有很亲密.... 我感到十分的孤单想要你们关心一下我才会弄那个东西出来的..... 我承认.... 我真的只是想得到关心而已..... 我真的没有想过会伤害你...... 可是.... 我错了.. 从那时候我有过那样的想法开始..我已经错了...... 这件事....我可以跟一百个人说... 可是我却一直不敢对你说... 因为我真的很害怕你会离开我....... 我很害怕你会像这样... 对我不投一些信任..... 原来这样比你不跟我说话,不跟我做朋友.. 更难受,更孤单..... 可是.. 怎么说都好... 是我真的错了... 我真的十分后悔.. 我真的好希望我们可以再好像我们刚认识一样.... 可是我明白...有些事情发生了就是发生了..... 我明白你的感受..... 可是我真的会真心待你.. 我不会再伤害你了..... 对不起...... 4/24/2007 生病狂想曲又是一天....
昨天变成一只落汤鸡回到家里... 被妈妈把我拿去洗澡了....我的生病大计....被她打破了..~ 我以为淋了大雨,跟着只要腌着...就可以生病....可是..... 唉~~~~~~
可是我现在好像有点头晕耶~~~~~ 开心开心...
不过呢... 我现在好像不可以生病啊.. 因为我的小和尚...感冒生病了.. 真可怜~ 我要照顾他啊..~ 惨惨惨~~ 我想生病啊!!!!! 8/13/2006 值得吗?这个世界上,有很多人都会为了他们的另一半做许多许多东西,但其实值得吗?
非常地爱一个人,我们愿意地为他做一切一切的东西,包括我们愿意做的事...我们也会尝试去做,去满足他....
但是,那个人却一点都不在乎你曾经为了他做过什么,牺牲过什么....
他们只会为了目前的小事情发脾气或者不理你...完全把你所做过的,他所感动过的,你们曾一齐分享过的... 完完全全地抹杀...
这样... 我们还值得再为他做事情吗?? 只要那个人其实还是爱你的话.. 值得...非常的值得..
如果那个人已经不再爱你,已经跟另一个人在一齐.. 已经完完全全地背叛了你... 还值得吗?? 问你自己吧... 还值得吗??
当剧者迷, 无可否认是觉得完全值得... 但,事实上真的是这样吗? 还是只是你骗了你自己? 把从前的那个疼爱你的,怜惜你的那个人还牢牢的记住,把他那些曾经对不起你的事情抛于脑后.. 跟着你就告诉自己.. 他以前是这样的好.. 他只是脑袋一时间秀逗了....
为了一个那样的他.. 欺骗了自己... 值得吗?
想念一个那样的他.. 辛苦了自己... 值得吗? 4/9/2006 When can i Feel not so Empty and Lost..I dono why.. i always feel so empty.. like.. im nathing in this world.. who will need me? i need who? i donno.. seriously i dono..
i have a bf.. but looks like.. he dont really need me.. and me dont really need him.. then wat we need in dis relationship? i dono.. do we still love each other like before we break up? i dono.. i dono does he know that i changed.. i change to .. i dont need him like before.. and i dont need him to be around me like before.. is that mean.. me and him is gona break up again soon?
some of the forum friend ask me to break up with him.. coz of those changes.. but i suddently feel.. i can live without him now.. i really can.. is it becoz i grow up alot? is it becoz i have those bad history with him before? i have no answer..
he just never understand wat i think.. he always have his own way to live.. and is kinda different to wat my living style.. im so outgoing.. i dont wanna stay at home, watching tv.. etc.. and he is those 'home boy' he like to stay at home.. watch anime.. play game.. etc.. but i dont care.. he like to stay at home.. fine.. i stay with him.. but..when eva i ask him to go out somewhere with me.. he always have his reason to survive from my requests.. at that time.. i will feel.. no comment.. coz i dono wat to say.. and wat to do..
I have my friends.. they dont really need me.. and i dont really need them... coz.. we all have our way of living.. we dont need to need each other.. we just go together when we need each other.. we have that sense of living in each others world.. Friends! rmb.. i say.. not really need.. not 100% not need~ so.. dont be angry~ ^^ when they have their half pieces.. me in their world will suddently dispeared.. i will show up again.. when their half piece is dispeared.. then.. wat am i? am i just their little shadow? when the sun shine them.. i will appear.. but when is at nite.. or indoor.. im gone..~ Peoples..~ im not complaining.. just tellin uz wat im thinking.. so dont get me wrong.. !!
does my parent need me?~ i dono.. in fact.. they just need me to complete their dream only.. i think.. i dono just gueesing...
then.. who will really need me now? im so lost.. i start dono wat i wanna do now.. and i need love.. i want to be loved.. need and wants.. people say.. humans basic needs is just air, food, water... but.. my basic need is.. air.. food.. water.. love .. and goal.. but.. love and goal.. who can give me that? is not nature sources.. is my mind.. when can i feel love? when can i find my goal?
looking forward to find them..
3/13/2006 I relize 2 stuff today~Old Question.. Why??
I really dono why there have so many why in these days.. every single thing that happen on me/my friend.. i will ask WHY~...
I really understand... theres no one can answer my WHYs.. BUT!! still want to ask...
Why this Why that... WHY? WHY? WHY?
and I relize.. if i dont want to ask WHY.. i can ask still ask.... 'HOW COME!?'
lol~~ the reason i use 'how come' instead of 'why'.. is because.. i played a game with my cousin.. and we have to ask each others a question.. and the rule is... cant ask the question that is start with same word.. for example... " why you are so stupid?" and next question if i wanna ask 'why' i have to change something other..
so thatz how i relize.. i can use.. "How Come..." too
and... thatz how i relize another thing too...
"what ever that you though u have been changed.. actually.. is just the same.. cause.. all you have been changed.. is just the surface.. not the inside question.. "
Well.. do uz actually know.. wat i mean~? lol~~ But.. if u dont understand.. try to think.. like emmy..~~ then u will kno~~ lol( coz she is sitting next to me...and bitting me ><~ and.. i bite her too ~~ )
3/3/2006 我好奇怪喔！！！我真的不知道我是一个什么的人..
-糟糕的人吗??
-麻烦的人吗??
-奇怪的人吗??
-多管闲事的人吗??
-多愁善感的人吗??
可能我全都是...可是我又觉得不可能啊...
我跟我那个同年同月同日生的朋友比起来.. 我跟她真的相差得太远了.. 她好聪明..又很用心去做功课.. 而我呢.. 只有一点小聪明.. 做事丢三落四的.. 没耐心.. 为什么.. 我跟她这么的不一样?? 我跟她都是同年同月同日生的啊~ 太扯了.. 虽然本人是十分不主张比较可是。。我真得跟她没法比。。
我这个人.. 每当我非常用心地去做一件事的时候...我真的好用心!! 可是.. 时间一分一秒的过去了.. 我的那些心..都不知道跑到哪去了... >< 还有就是.. 那些心跑走的时候..都是不动声色地... 连我自己都不知道..所以我也控制不到...
这阵子。。我一些朋友都跟我投诉。。我有时候的一些想法有点灰。。甚至有点过度变黑。。 哎呀～其实我也不知到我为什么会变成这样。。所以我有时候在想。。。是不是我就是那种。。只会往坏处里想的人。。但我希望我自己不是。。因为我非常讨厌那种人。。可是为什么我会像那种我讨厌的人呢？？
好了到了爱情的事情上。。我被人甩了。。为什么我没有我那些朋友的现象。。那些。。要生要死的现象。。那些。。眼睛每天都是红红的现象？ 反而我会用我最大的努力会让我那些以为我会有什么事发生的人。。让他们。。忘记我是失恋的人。。可是当他们忘记了。。我又希望他们想起来。。好矛盾哦！！
所以我就是好奇怪啦！
今天是我分手的第２个月咯～～ 以后记得要在３号提醒我哦！！ 还要祝我分手快乐哦！！
开心的面对每件事。。 皱纹都会变少～ |
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